Reading Krija’s blog inspired me to write something about what we have experienced so far..well written blog that was…captured lots of memories and given the form of words…

That’s all we’re left with..memories…of what was once something funny, ridiculous, heart breaking or even disappointing..what’s funny is that it didnt hit me til i read her blog..now its slowly coming to me…all the good, bad and terrible times we had..all the drama’s and the scenes we created..lol…

Beginning now, no more daily trips to college..no more sayin ‘hey meet in rafi k’..no more chaya club…no more whining and complaning about how much college life sucks..it finally ended…i’m actually quite sad…all those places we’ve been to together..in a group of three..three loud ones i must say…those gossips..those laughters..sleep overs..studying nights…chatting sessions…

I couldn’t wait to finish school..then i couldn’t wait to finish college..after that i couldn’t wait to finish uni…now..i’m done with all…all these years…loads of memories…every celebration sessions we had after new sem registration..ridiculous movies we watched…the people we laughed at..the people who laughed at us…the popcorns we threw at each other during movies..all those moments are never gonna come back..ever…lets hope this ending brings a better beginning…a brighter day…a friendly environment..

the friends i met…and the friends who left for good…the friends who disappointed and the friends who stood by…the friends who laughed with me and the friends who laughed at me…i thank everyone..coz each day i learnt something new…

my appreciation to the friends who brought drama into my life..and those who helped me get out of the drama’s..the ones who climbed over into drama’s…lol…those who sent me get well soon cards..n said i looked like a dead chicken…for those who bitched behind my back..and for those who defended me…thanks alot for being there…and for allowing me to be myself..today, i am me bcoz you all were there…

my deepest sympathy to all the waiters whose hearts were broken by someone…hope they find a replacement soon..and our little celebrity of TTDI..gonna miss bistro’s bad food..and rafi’s cheap bill…oh..also the ice blended mocha’s we slurped…and the most memorable day..when someone taught me to play in the rain…where i felt like a little girl all over again…all the illegal stuff we did…all the rules we crushed…and how we never learnt to study on time…no matter how hard we all tried, the habit never got away..

here i’m gonna try my best to mention some names…first and foremost…krija my darling…she’s the sister i never had…my baby sis yuha…for the perfect timings…cuckoo kalpu…the greatest tube light ever in history…love her for her over-the-edge attitude…the annoying alex…pat…who never got enough of kutuking people…sweet farzanah..always smiling…parupusamy..for all the tips and guidance…what a great help he was…some seniors for their support…a few parasites…two u know who (homely and street one)…those two always gave us something to talk about..the one and only pallaku….some very annoying lecturers…lol..the gay ones too…the loud ones…the mean ones…the supportive ones…the Hitler ones…

not forgetting block c…our fav spot..especially the alley of block c..where we commited some crimes…our never ending rehearsals…the shouting n scoldin everyone got frm me at that time…the hard slap shima got frm komeng during rehearsal…the funny dialogue speaking mathan…pat..the sultan…itsume the ibu tiri..awesome job she did..the cute lela and manja of our class…and all the pahlawans…gals turned into guys…to the extend of running away frm real guys..that historic night where we went back at 5am…some surprise birthday parties…some that turned out to be disasterous..with cake all over the floor and mops in OUR hands…my besties trip to the wrong hospital..i stil wonder how she did that…and the times i broke their hearts….the times we all broke someone else’s heart….the times we broke the silence with something ridiculously stupid…the non stop smses we sent each other..the times we fooled people…the times we were fooled..the times we were betrayed..and backstabbed..the times we partied all nite…the times we played silly games in the car…the times we went on a movie marathon…mcd ice creams we ate…liqour bottles we emptied…drinks we spilled..the times we kidnapped people…and tortured them mentally..and the times we got tortured..the flirts we couldnt stand..the sights we didnt wana see..the faces we hated…the lagoon trip…crazy rides and water splashes…the hours we spent getting dressed…the ears we burnt…the mices we killed…the times we sat in the morgue and ate junk food…which sounds pretty sick now…

this can go on and on..as there were too many memories..which im sure will arise slowly…as the shores of life are washed away with waves of time..the momories wil deepen itselves…giving us a chuckle when we need it the most..

So, finally the time has approached this impatient girl... But I never knew it was going to be so complicated..I'm actually afraid..Everything seems so right..to good to be true..I never believed in perfection.Perhaps this is it? Maybe I've done some good deeds to deserve all this..On a second thought, it isn't  as complicated as i think it is...I'm just freaking out I guess..I hope..

But I sure do miss someone...Someone who means alot to me..I won't say 'meant' alot to me..cause he still does..And always will...Despite the shades of time and distance..Hearts know no boundaries... Its the inner connection that matters..I still feel the same way..And no matter what happens in life, noboby can ever replace him..This i know for sure...Its such a strange relationship..Even when I can't see the person or hear him or even touch him..the love remains strong. People say that love remains alive only when you're able to see that person or talk to him..I can't even talk to him...But his voice is unforgettable...I hear him when I'm asleep..I feel his presence when I'm awake..I touch him when I dream..If this isn't love, then what is?

I sometimes feel I'm halucinating..But my hearts disagrees with me..I know he's here with me..I know he's watchin me..I know he's happy for me..I know he's proud of me..And I know things would have been different if he was around..But God has His way of snatching something away and turning it into something good..Now I believe in that..Cause otherwise, I would have him just as anyone else has a loved one..

Now, I have my guardian angel...I know it's him who cares and ensure that I'm alright..Humans have limitations...angel don't..I'm glad...Cause he...is special..and one of a kind...He is my Papa...

So, here's 26th of August...Our 5th anniversary...5 long years...filled with lots of laughter and tears..absolutely unbelievable that we made it so far...i have no idea how i'm gona celebrate this day...he told me to leave it up to him...i'm gona finish work at 10pm...lets see what he has planned..dinner perhaps...same old same old...i realized today...i have only 2 months left before i'm engaged..gosh! last i counted, i had 5 months! now its down to 60 days....trying to get things in order nw..my outfit and accessories...the decoration...the food...the table arrangemennts..ok..now thats the trickiest part of all...to ensure nobody gets offended with the seating..well..who ever said relationships are easy rite??
me..i'm excited..but a little clueless as to how much my life is gona change..perhaps a little..perhaps alot....5 years was a slow gradual process...proceeding towards the next big step...but only a year before we're married seems like whoa!! yeah i'm tryin to swallow it...anyway...no matter what it's gona be like,i'm sure it will be exciting to endevour a whole new life...wish me luck..

You're sitting at a table, having a meal with some friends.

Bowls of soup are served to everyone at the table. Before tasting the soup, the person next to you reaches for the salt and pepper, and for the next 20 seconds vigorously shakes into the soup more salt and pepper than you would use in a month.


You have a pained look on your face. These thoughts immediately go through your mind: "Why would you put salt and pepper in soup, or on any dish, BEFORE you taste it? How do you know how much to add?" You might also think, "How can someone put so much salt and pepper in their food?"


Of course, the roles could be reversed. You might be the one who loves to put a lot of salt and pepper on your food and the person next to you eats the soup without adding salt or pepper. In that case, you think, "How can she eat this bland soup without putting any seasoning in it?"


When it comes to salt, pepper, onions, garlic, curry or just about any type of seasoning, we tend to see things only one way - OUR way. It's hard for us to understand how someone could enjoy food when it is not seasoned as we think is appropriate. We cringe when we see someone "overdoing" or "under-doing" the spices.


How we season our food is a matter of preference and personal taste.

There is no right or wrong way to use seasonings. Furthermore, the way in which another applies salt and pepper does not affect us in any way. They're not putting the salt and pepper in YOUR soup. They are putting the spices in their own soup.


Our world is so diverse, and yet it is difficult for us to accept each other's preferences. Often, when we see people doing things we wouldn't do, our mind says: Why aren't they thinking as I think? Why aren't they acting as I would act? Your mind would often have you believe that your way is superior. Your beliefs and habits are shaped by your genetics and your environment. Each person has different genetics and has grown up in an environment that is different than yours.

Why expect everyone to come to the same conclusion?


Our spiritual growth comes when we learn to accept that others have different preferences, and we honor those preferences. There is no universal religion that everyone will agree to practice. There is no universal political viewpoint that all will accept. There is no one way of raising children that all cultures will agree upon. Marriage customs will vary from culture to culture.


Getting people to agree on these issues is like trying to get everyone to use the same amount of salt and pepper on their food. It's not going to happen.


The diversity in this world is beautiful and we can open our hearts to it. Within our own country and in our relations with people in other countries, we need to continually remind ourselves that it's perfectly acceptable for people to have preferences. If the other person is not harming us, why can't we just smile and get on with life?


The next time you're tempted to judge or criticise the way other people think or act, realize that in most cases, they're just using a different amount of salt or pepper than you would use. Allow them to have their preferences, and there is no need to even consider what YOU would do.
 

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the hell happened?"

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos.

They say love is just a game
They say time can heal the pain
Sometimes you win
Sometimes you lose
And I guess I'm just a fool
I keep holding onto you..

These aren't just lyrics...its the voices in my head....Im numb now...i wana cry but i cant..i have no more tears...im going into depression...i know that..i can see that..but i cant help myself..too many questions will need to be answered...i cant handle all that..i love him too much..but there's nothing i can do. If this is the end, then i dont wana fight fate...im tired of being abandoned..i know i stand nowhere now..maybe he's right...maybe this is best for us..but who is gona make it official? i have no energy to do it..its been 5 days i last spoke to him..mum asked me if i missed him..i said no...she said i was heartless...the truth? i miss him dearly..i juz dont know how to express myslf..its much easier to write and throw my thoughts into the world out there....let me be judged by strangers..i dont care..im tired of being judged and blamed for things i never did....i'm so hallow baby...i'm so hallow...

Sometimes i think i'm jinxed.. All terrible things happen at once..I don't get upset over things easily..coz i don't allow people to hurt me..i have a shield around me..but at times some people just know how to get to me..and what hurts the most is that these people are the ones i call my own..arrghhh! its so frustrating...i can't tolerate people telling me what to do and what not to do.. I'm a grown up woman for heavens sake! i've been on my own for all these years..so who the hell are you to tell me what i need to do?
Anyway, i feel bad about one thing today..i did something terrible..i was running late for work and had to get my friend on the way. There was an ambulance on the way with its sirens and lights going crazy..obviously it was an emergency..i gave it way..but then my evil mind decided to do something...well..lets see..something evil...i followed the ambulance..tailing it all the way..people gave me way too..thinking i must be the family member of the patient..so...i flew my car all the way...and managed to get to work on time..God bless the person in the ambulance..hopefully he made it to the hospital alright..
Did i do something terribly wrong? I don't know...nobody was hurt by my actions..so i guess its alright..right?

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living.  I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are.  I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring the moon.  I want to know if you have touched the center of your sorrow, have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed for fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.  I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own, if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, or to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself, if you can bear accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul.

I want to know if you can be faithful and therefore be trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it is not pretty everyday, and if you can source your life from it's presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours and mine, and still stand on the edge of a lake and shout to the silver of the full moon...YES!

It doesn't interest me to know where you live or how much money you have.  I want to know if you can get up after a night of grief and despair, weary and bruised to the bone and do what needs to be done for the children.

It doesn't interest me who you are or how you came to be here.  I want to know if you can stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me what or where or with whom you have studied.  I want to know what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in empty moments.

Loneliness---------------

Is being out of touch with yourself

Denying your innermost need by pretending it doesn't exist

Defying what you desperately want to accept

Exchanging tenderness for bitterness

Causing unnecessary alienation all for the sake of pride

When I ask you to listen to me,
And you start giving me advice,
You have not done what I asked.

When I ask that you listen to me,
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way,
You are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me,
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problems,
You have failed me, strange as that may seem.

Listen.
All that I ask is that you listen,
Not talk or do - just hear me.

When you do something for me
That I need to do for myself,
You contribute to my fear and feelings of inadequacy.

But when you accept as a simple fact
That I do feel what I feel, no matter how irrational,
Then I can quit trying to convince you
And go about the business
Of understanding what's behind my feelings.

So, please listen and just hear me
And, if you want to talk,
Wait a minute for your turn - and I'll listen to you.

I've learned that you cannot make someone love you.  All you can do is be someone who can be loved.  The rest is up to them.

I've learned that no matter how much I care some people just don't care back.

I've learned that just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned that it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.

I've learned that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I've learned that either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I've learned that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.  Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.   And, just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.

I’ve learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I've learned that heroes are people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I’ve learned that you can keep going long after you can’t.

I received a one line in an email message. It was so incredibly simply, yet profound in a deep and penetrating way. And it was a perspective that I had never thought of before. She wrote: "G‑d is telling you to slow down in your life…"

Just slow down. How true she was. I am always running. I am always moving. There is simply so much to do and so little time to do it. And it is easy to rationalize, to explain, to excuse because I am busy doing good things, positive things, which is why I can never slow down. But as much as you have to do, you have to keep the speed limit. You can't just move at a pace that is dangerous, even if your end goal is truly honorable. If your speeding causes you to crash, hurting yourself or another along the way, you will never reach your destination, and certainly not in time.

This is week 4...moving towards week 5...which means more case studies and lots more complicated diagnosis..and it won't stop there..this marathon will continue right up to week 10. With even more complex cases and symptoms..sometimes too difficult to understand..now it's time to apply everything i've learned in the past 5 years..phew! that's a whole bunch of theories and practical skills...except I don't need to apply the skills now..it will come in handy soon...in about 4 months or so..and speaking of that...its such a headache to choose the right place..if i were to choose it according to my preference,i'd go for the forensic lab..but alas...its too far..so i'm most likely to rot in the general hospital lab again! same old faces..same old equipments...how boring! but one thing that's not boring is thr forensic department there! the dead never fails to entertain me...ohh..that sounded mean...but i meant it the educational way alright..there's so much to learn from them..u'd be surprised..!

Listed here my life's little happiness secrets...things that enlightens not only my face but my heart too..

** raindrops..they touch my soul! getting soaked in the rain..while the whole world watches me dancing and running around like a little girl...nothing matches this feeling...and i wana do it over n over again..
** puppies..cute, cuddly little furry creatures...too good to let go..juz wana squeeze them!
** loud music that's pleasant to my ears...love it and just cant do without it...
** finishing a book...sounds bizarre?? not to me..i get a feeling of satisfaction when i turn the last page of a book that i personally picked...
** babies..aww....they are cho chweet..as long as they are not mine and 5 feet away!
** chatting endlessly with my friends...this is my specialty...
** movie marathon..always up for it!
** long drives...mmm..with that perfect someone to an unknown destination! wow!!
** shopping! who doesnt love this?

and many many more to be updated soon....depending on my mood of course...

Its been 18 days since i've been vegetarian...wow..I'm actually sticking to it..but it's not as tough as i thought it would be..well at least for now it isnt that difficult..but just today i was talking to a friend when she said she feels sorry for me..when i asked her why so, she said its simply because i won't be able to enjoy the food that every other average person enjoys..then it hit me! she's right...no more mcd,kfc or pizza (except vege pizza). but thats not too bad right? after all, its just chicken with lots of fats and oil and LDL. anyway...ive been stuffing myself with lots of vegetables and fruits everytime im hungry..my best friend is surprised to see this side of me..me...its me...who usually buys snacks and junk food evertime my stomach growls..but today, i actually bought fruits! maybe ive learnt to love myself even more now..maybe its because i wana live...really live...that reminds me of a line that says 'i loved like i should but lived like i shouldn't'..totally true!
Like ive always believed...time changes everything...but i still can't believe me...